Things I want to punch in the face today:
1. My uterus … Although I am confident it staged a coup d’état and is already retreating out of my body.
2. My husband …
Me: I want some ice cream.
Him: I cooked supper, and I’m not going out.
Me (moaning): Please.
Him (looking in freezer): Do you want the rest of my Cherry Garcia?
Me: You know that’s not my favorite.
Him (still looking in the freezer): You want some Frosty Paws?
Should I kill him now or later?