Do I Move You?

As some of you may have noticed, I have had difficulty posting lately.  What you do not know is that I am still writing … snippets … here and there … mostly for myself.  Without going into all the hurtful details, let’s just say that someone who I once looked up to as a blogger and aspiring writer has been acting maliciously … possibly unknowingly, but I have come to believe that she knows exactly what she is doing and does not give a flying fuck whose feelings get hurt because she is right in her own little narrow-minded world.  Due to things she has openly said to me and to others, I have often second guessed myself as a writer, and I have considered taking down this blog several times over the last six to nine months.  This same person has unknowingly alienated herself from most of my social networking and blogging friends because of her inappropriate and insensitive comments.  This begs the question:  Where do I go from here?  Do I allow her to control my destiny?

The short answer is HELL NO!  I WON’T GO! It pleases me.  Through this blog I have learned so much about myself and how others view me.  I cannot tell you how many relationships I have built and/or repaired via blogging.  Blogging has totally enhanced the way I communicate with others in the real world.  The blogging community, overall, has strengthened my trust in the inherent good nature of people.   Blogging has enabled me to collaborate better with others … even when we agree to disagree.  Blogging has enhanced the creator and innovator within me.  It has permitted me to gain greater alignment with writers who inspire me to aspire before I expire.  In brief, blogging has allowed me to engage and be to be engaged by other writers.

What has blogging done for you lately?

Support Your Local Lurker

I started seven different blog posts today, but none of them seemed to fit what I wanted to say.  Hell, I’m not exactly sure what the fuck I wanted to say today either.   I spent an extensive portion of the day online looking for inspiration.  When all hope was gone that I would post two days in a row, a light bulb moment occurred.  My alter-ego whispered to me that I should review what I learned from others on The Internet today while I was lurking.

And, so it came to pass, Twtter, Plurk, and Facebook provided me with blog fodder.

  • My uncle is looking for a poop changer via FB.
  • Certain things happen only on Bravo if you live @citizenjaney’s house.
  • In general, I don’t think people are bad, but I do think they make bad choices.
  • One can never have enough toilet paper or flip flops.
  • I love the word knackered like it’s my job.
  • Snapper’s back!
  • I am so over the Keanu meme.
  • “We must ensure a disaster like this doesn’t happen again.” ~ Barack Obama
  • I need this iPhone app.  Like yesterday.
  • I crack my own shit up.  Scroll down for my comment du jour.  Yes, Sybil I said HYMEN.  If you are not reading worshiping this Aussie badass, shame on you.

Not Now I Have a Headache

Snort.

My titles bring all the freaks to my blog.

Oh, shit.  Now I have to actually write something.  Aw, what the hell.  I’ve been AWOL long enough.  I would love to tell you that I have a legitimate excuse for not posting (like the Holy Terrors ate it or I was in lock-up), but the truth is I just didn’t feel like it.  As I told @Tense earlier on Plurk, when the muse isn’t there, she isn’t there.

I have been writing … in my head.  Hmmmmmmmm.  Wait a minute while I reread and analyze that statement.

Okay, I think I may have made sense of it all.  Long time readers know that writing usually keeps my head from exploding.  What if I put those thoughts into something intellectually superior and sarcastically unique for you to read? Hell to the yeah, I am a motherfucking genius!

Here’s the plan:

1. Show up.

2. Pay attention.

3. Ask questions.

4. Repeat the above.

If all else fails, I suppose I could blog about my boobs.  See you tomorrow.

Temporarily Disconnected

I have ennui.  No worries.  I am not going to jump off a bridge or quit blogging.  However, I could easily jab a sharp, shiny object through a certain “special” someone’s eye.

I Read Banned Books is was down for your protection.  This will happen from time to time to optimize the negativity, medicate the Psycho Hose Beast, and various other hoodoo voodoo.  This lapse in thought-provoking posts should only take a short while (the rest of the school year or less), unless something is very wrong I am confined.  If you have any trouble or concerns regarding this post, feel free to leave a comment below or send an email to cajunvegan @ gmail.com.   If I am feeling less homicidal, I may answer you with my usual superior intellect and sarcastic attitude.

The Strange Case of Dr. CV And Mrs. Psycho Hose Beast

How about a full C cup of shut the fuck up?

Either that, or render me unconscious.

Yes, I have a sense of humor.  No, I am not a prude.  Maybe I am just concerned that you interact like your breasts are the only reason people are interested in you or that they are what make you an interesting person.  Bless your heart.

GAAH!  YOU ARE NOT YOUR BOOBAGE!

And, I guarantee that I will socialize with you more on a daily basis again.

Dead Man Walking

If you follow me on Twitter or Plurk, you probably read that I thought I saw a dead body on the side of the road on my way to work this morning. (Well, I do work in the hood, remember?)  Thankfully, when I stopped the car and went to investigate (Yes, I needed to know for sure that it wasn’t a dead student.), I discovered that it was a couple of very full trash bags covered with a tarp.  Believe it or not, I was quite disappointed, as I have always envisioned myself stumbling upon a rotting corpse much like the Stand by Me boys did.  Little did I know was that I would soon face a different form of a lifeless body within the hour.

To be continued …

Taking Several for the Team

I may have forgotten to mention that Sybil made Flea Fly a nervous wreck, and she canceled the planned affair.  They were just going to elope for a few weeks.  However, this past Friday I was informed that the shotgun wedding is back on again … for this Saturday.

Thankfully, Sybil and Sanford agreed to pay for Boog and I to go as part of the wedding gift.  We are the attendants.  I have three days to find the perfect little black dress and get degooniegoogoofied.  The big task of the week will be to run interference between little sister and mom because that is what big sisters do. Expect more of these bullet-styles updates and/or overheards on this blog,  Twitter, and Plurk.  My freak show without a tent family is here for your entertainment.

  • Sybil to Flea Fly:  Why can’t I wear a nice pantsuit?
  • Flea Fly to Sanford:  Get a new black suit.  We’ll bury you in it when you die.
  • Flea Fly to Sybil:  You’re just lucky I’m not waiting until after I have the baby to get married because I want to drink at my wedding.

Did I mention how happy I am that I eloped nine years ago?

All Hail the Psycho Hose Beast

Fantasy Football may never be the same with the Plurk Hooligans up to shenanigans.  This is the Psycho Hose Beast’s team, in no particular order.

1. Delhomme, Jake CAR QB 4

2. Romo, Tony DAL QB 6

3. Addai, Joseph IND RB 6

4. Brown, Chris HOU RB 10

5. Thomas, Pierre NOS RB 5

6. Tomlinson, LaDainian SDC RB 5

7. Clayton, Mark BAL WR 7

8. Jackson, Vincent SDC WR 5

9. Kelly, Malcolm WAS WR 8

10. Williams, Roy DAL WR 6

11. Davis, Vernon SFO TE 6

12. Shiancoe, Visanthe MIN TE 9

13. Bironas, Rob TEN PK 7

14. Hartley, Garrett NOS PK 5

15. Colts, Indianapolis IND Def 6

16. Jets, New York NYJ Def 9

Oh, yeah, bitches, I’m channeling my inner psycho hose beast, the one and only Joan Crawford.  Don’t make me get wire hangers on y’all asses!

MommieDearest

Real women love football.  The next 17 weeks are going to be …