Tag Archives: The Three Beotches

Good Grief!

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I neglected to mention that we no longer have Three Beotches.  Kittle, the youngest pussy, unexpectedly passed away a little over two weeks ago.  While she was 11ish years old, she was very healthy.  The vet seems to think that she went into cardiac arrest based on some symptoms Boog had witnessed a couple of days prior to finding her lifeless body.  She is the first pet we have lost as a couple.  I dislike it more than I can verbalize at the moment.  It hurts.  Period.

Before I go any further, please note that if anyone sends me a link to “The Rainbow Bridge” I will rip you a new one.

While our lives have been disrupted, we are slowly moving on.  Xora and Pekoe are not.  In fact, they are rather distressed if you ask me.   Yes, non-pet owners, pet grief is real. We are doing our best to give them individual attention and reassurance; however, this has been a challenge with their undeniable fear and loathing of The Holy Terrors.  While they have not always been the most sociable cats, Xora and Pekoe are searching, crying out (yowling and meowing incessantly), and pining for Kittle.  There appear to be some sleep pattern changes, loss of interest in favorite activities, sulking and separation anxiety, depression, and eating pattern changes.   Both weight and hair loss and inappropriate toileting are also evidenced.   In a nutshell, they are mourning.  We can only hope that time will heal their wounds and silence their increased vocalization.  I do not know how much more of this “chatter” I can take and am considering using a little music to soothe the savage beasts breasts in the next room.

How is this for a little rainbow connection?

“Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.”

~ William Congreve

Just Try to Dodge My Bullets

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tt_6

You have annoyed the psycho hose beast.  Prepare to be shot at Thursday 13 bullet style.

  • Double middle ear infection … I’m starting to understand Van Gogh … just a little.
  • Whiners … If you have personal problems, let’s keep them that way.
  • Eye and nose boogers … I would like to live green not be green.
  • People who obviously need to get laid … No, we don’t care what state of undress you are in.
  • Cat hair piss, puke, and poop … Three Beotches Free to a Dogless Home
  • Sweaty drinking glasses … What happened to “but it’s a dry heat”?
  • Dirty dishes … in the sink … waiting for me
  • FOX HD channel … Why do I have to turn you 10-20 levels higher except during the commercials when I rush to find the remote before I pierce my eardrums?
  • Nose and chin hair … When did I turn into Sybil?
  • Jon and Kate Gosselin … Shame on both of you.
  • “Yes but” people … Fuck bureaucracy!
  • My closet … the pit of despair
  • Insomnia … I’m going to make you my bitch.  We aren’t doing this again this summer.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Pet Owner Scorned

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After two 12 plus hour days on the road, Boog and I could not wait to get home tonight.  Knowing we had left the Three Beotches in the capable hands of a good friend’s 19-year-old cat-owner stepson made it easier to go away.  He agreed to check on the cats daily, to scoop their litter boxes, and to feed and refill water as necessary.

He did not.

We came home to find out that he had been here once or twice as there were only two empty cans in the trash can and the remaining cans were in tact in the closet.  There was no water in two of three water dishes in the house.  A bag of crunchies in the laundry room had been chewed through and eaten from.  The litter boxes were overflowing, and the carpet has been violated in multiple spots.

Needless to say, I am fucking livid.  It is taking every ounce of self control I have not to call or to go over to their house right now.  And, Howdy Doody can forget the C note I promised him.  I will be going voodoo and psycho hose beast on his ass.

Without a doubt, this issue is to be continued …

Four-Eyed Freak

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Four family members:

Boog, Monkey Boy, The Terrorist, and the Three Beotches

Four places that I go to over and over:

IDHMS 2.0, Starbucks, sushi restaurant, 7-11 near work

Four people who e-mail me (regularly):

Flea Fly, Red Headed Stepchild, Princess Ewe, some dude from Kenya

Four of my favorite places to eat:

Sushi Zen, Sweet Tomatoes, PF Chang’s, Macaroni Grill

Four places I would rather be right now:

A cabin in the mountains, Louisiana, San Diego, San Francisco

Four TV shows I watch over and over:

Jeopardy, CSI, Seinfeld, Friends

Four things in the room I’m in:

Boog, The Terrorist, Prudence, Twilight

Four concerts I’ve been to:

Lenny Kravitz/Pink, U2, Barenaked Ladies, Matchbox 20

Four things on my calendar:

Daily parent conferences, classroom observations, Mental Health Day, Bunco/baby shower

Four fears:

failure, disappointment, ennui, loneliness

Four things in your purse or wallet:

receipts, paper clips, highlighter, hand sanitizer

Four chores you hate doing:

vacuuming, dusting, folding and putting away clothes, scooping litter

Four favorite animals:

Spenser, Xoralundra, Pekoe, Kittle

Four speed dials on your cell phone:

Boog, IDHMS 2.0, Flea Fly, Sybil & Sanford

Four places you have called home:

Eunice, LA; Lake Charles, LA; Las Vegas, NV; school

Four favorite pieces of jewelry:

my wedding ring, my IRBB bracelet, plain white gold hoop earrings, emerald and diamond ring

Four websites you visit:

I Read Banned Books, Google (especially Reader and Gmail), Plurk, Twitter

Four people who have been in your car:

Boog, Monkey Boy, Red Headed Stepchild, Princess Ewe

Four things you are wearing:

t-shirt, lounge pants, undies, glasses (Betcha did not know I was a four-eyed freak)

Four things you are looking forward to:

Thanksgiving at perpstu and digitalrob‘s house, Christmas in Louisiana, a promotion, and the rest of this four-day weekend

Four favorite types of candy:

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Milk Duds, Sour Skittles, Sour Patch Kids

Four sports teams you like:

New Orleans Saints, LSU Tigers, Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars

Four things found in your fridge:

Hazelnut creamer, jelly, salad dressing, Guinness

Four rituals you do daily:

drink coffee, take a little pink pill, Plurk, blog

Four things currently within reach:

drink, The Terrorist, a tissue box, Twilight

Four things you know how to cook:

Jambalaya, crawfish pie, file gumbo, etoufee

Four Halloween costumes you’ve worn:

nun, pirate, zombie, Cinderella

Roll Out the Plastic Slipcovers

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After four and a half years of itchies and scratchies, various diets, medications, and tests, we took The Terrorist to see a dermatological veterinarian who did a small animal intradermal allergen panel on him earlier today.  His side looks like a Pop Tart.  $887.31 later, we now know that The Terrorist is allergic to histamines; assorted trees, shrubs, bushes, and grasses (the majority of which are prevalent in desert climates); fleas, cats, house mites, house dust, staph, feathers, wool, tobacco, storage mites, and humans. Yes, that means Spenser is allergic to his Mommy and Daddy and The Three Beotches.  Since none of us are going anywhere, change is gonna come ’round real soon.

Spenser suffers from atopic dematitis.  We began his treatment today which includes desensitization injections (Boog will have to administer these; I do not think I can shoot him up.), antihistamines (Yep, Benadryl works for animals too.), topical products (lots of baffs and wipedowns from now on), fatty acids (Omega 3 and 6 are essential for animals too.), and steroids (Prednisone like he isn’t thick enough already.).  His allergies are not curable but they are treatable and controllable.  We will have to make many changes in our home, and everyone already knows I will do almost anything for my pup pup, but this may cross the line:

CajunVegan Does Not Negotiate with Terrorists

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Earlier tonight The Three Beotches were having a come to Jesus meeting in their room.  Seriously, I thought someone was going down, and longtime readers know that Xoralundra, the Queen of Fucking Everything, would have been the obvious winner.  Anyway, The Terrorist was lying next to me on the couch while I was reading Plurking.  I had already yelled at them once to knock it off, so I assumed he was awake.  I leaned over and told him, “Let’s go get The Beotches!”  Then the unthinkable happened.  He bit me … in the face … on my bottom lip.  I have bite marks and bleeding to prove it.  I was so shaken up that I called Boog at work.  I do not know what I thought he could do for me, but I told him to be prepared to come home if I could not get the bleeding to stop.

I'm sowee!

I think it is time to let sleeping dogs lie, walk and exercise Spenser daily, or call The Dog Whisperer in.  Cesar, can you hear me?  Please bring that cute French Bulldog with you.

Uno Dos Tres

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I cannot call this one the 123 Book Meme. I live in Vegas, baby, and everything is in Spanish. I just returned from enjoying fajitas and top shelf margaritas and then looking for books to add to my shelves of those I have yet to read. Que un combinacion! Si, yo tengo mucho tequila! Enough of my wasting away in Margaritaville nonsense, I’ll suggest the rules for posting this long rotating book meme.

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

The book closest to me is Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. Sistah CJ left it for me during her last visit. Today seems as good a day as any to begin reading it. Besides, it is toted as a fabulous little book about circus life, and we all know my family is like a freak show without the tent.

There’s a shuffling, and someone shushing someone.

“What is it?” calls August.

“Did Clive feed the cats?”

Hmm … this reminds me that it is time to feed The Three Beotches. I would not want them to stage a revolt or anything.  Oh, yeah, I’m not tagging because I cannot remember who has already completed this one.