Dear Everyone,
Stay in your hula hoop space.
Keep your body parts to yourself. Keep your tongue in your mouth. Cover your cough and sneeze. Be in control of your body.
Please stay in your hula hoop space at all times.
If you leave your hula hoop space, I guarantee that I will go voodoo on your ass.
That means you will get The Crud That Is Going Around too.
Please and thank you in advance.
The Psycho Hose Beast
Today is Booger’s birthday. Yes, his 44th one. He does not want a fuss. Ever. Sigh. Instead he will get his very own 44 item freaking meme.
Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more Psycho Hose Beast on you, I open a Tumblr account.
If you do the Tumblr thing, follow me there too (unless you want me to go voodoo). I’ll mostly cross-post the posts I make here, but there will be some things you can only find there.
The Holy Terrors never met a Sunday newspaper they did not like. They are especially fond of the ones we haven’t had a chance to read yet and leave on the coffee table.
Yes, they shredded the whole thing, and this picture only shows a portion of their four-hour reign of terror. This is a prime example of what little fuckers they are. Alas, Boston terriers are just like potato chips ~ you cannot have just one.
Arrogance. I have it. I think all geniuses are arrogant to some degree. I have been writing for as long as I can remember and blogging since 2005. Recently I have considered “revealing” myself. I do not know why I keep my identity relatively anonymous, but I do. Maybe it is my profession and the countless debacles that some of the posts on I Read Banned Books could propagate. I often wonder if I should have ever touched the work place on this blog; however, it is such a part of who I am and why I Read Banned Books even exists. Perhaps it is time for me to choose a new adventure.
What Would Barry Manilow Do?
The Psycho Hose Beast is conflicted. That is all.
“Alex” is a high school student by day and a fashionista by night. He sits in the very front row of the fourth period fashion design class and models his own creations every Monday through Friday. Today he was channeling 1983 and Jennifer Beals in only the way your token gay male can do. One of the male assistant principals referred him to me to address his low-cut, navel-revealing, off-the-shoulder, sleeveless and cropped hot pink sweatshirt. I would like to add that he was wearing a cropped white wife-beater underneath and perfectly bedazzled skinny jeans with black ballet flats. Now that you have a visual … on to the priceless exchange which transpired when I pulled him aside to address his multiple dress code violations.
Psycho Hose Beast: Nobody’s denying you have fashion sense, but we don’t show our pit hair or navels at school.
Higher Ground High’s Token Gay Male: Once again, discriminated against because of my fierce-itude. You’ll be sorry when you see me on Project Runway.
PHB: I would be sorrier if I saw you in the remake of Flashdance.
HGHTGM: Oh no, you didn’t!
Sweet Heyzeus, I hope he wears leg warmers tomorrow.
As some of you may have noticed, I have had difficulty posting lately. What you do not know is that I am still writing … snippets … here and there … mostly for myself. Without going into all the hurtful details, let’s just say that someone who I once looked up to as a blogger and aspiring writer has been acting maliciously … possibly unknowingly, but I have come to believe that she knows exactly what she is doing and does not give a flying fuck whose feelings get hurt because she is right in her own little narrow-minded world. Due to things she has openly said to me and to others, I have often second guessed myself as a writer, and I have considered taking down this blog several times over the last six to nine months. This same person has unknowingly alienated herself from most of my social networking and blogging friends because of her inappropriate and insensitive comments. This begs the question: Where do I go from here? Do I allow her to control my destiny?
The short answer is HELL NO! I WON’T GO! It pleases me. Through this blog I have learned so much about myself and how others view me. I cannot tell you how many relationships I have built and/or repaired via blogging. Blogging has totally enhanced the way I communicate with others in the real world. The blogging community, overall, has strengthened my trust in the inherent good nature of people. Blogging has enabled me to collaborate better with others … even when we agree to disagree. Blogging has enhanced the creator and innovator within me. It has permitted me to gain greater alignment with writers who inspire me to aspire before I expire. In brief, blogging has allowed me to engage and be to be engaged by other writers.
What has blogging done for you lately?
Are you new here? This one isn’t about you. The best posts on this blog are always about me.
Today was one of the most positive first days of work I have ever had as a school administrator. Yeah, I know. I’m shocked too. Personally, I think I deserve it after the toxicity from which I just rid myself.
Being new to an existing building has its advantages and disadvantages. While I am basking in the glow of all the positivity around me, I do not know the building very well which can be a huge disadvantage (even though I have a school map and an app for that). This is where you, I Read Banned Books visitors, come in. I want you to send me on a scavenger hunt.
Who: My lovers, lurkers, twisties, and stalkers
What: The Psycho Hose Beast Goes on a Scavenger Hunt
When: 8/17/10 – 8/22/10
Where: Higher Ground School (Yes, this is what I’m calling the new work location.)
Why: Because y’all worship me and know that I will go voodoo on all y’all’s asses!
How: Leave a comment here naming the item you would like me to find. I will post pictures of the found items in a follow-up post on Monday, August 23, 2010.
Disclaimer: I reserve the right to edit requests and/or photos and be a creative bitch in order to keep both my own and also my employer’s identities private. In other words, think before you order me to … I don’t know … just challenge me.
With that said, you are now cordially invited to challenge my superior intellect and sarcastic attitude.
Yes, I am up to something lately. No, I am not going to tell you about it.
Feel free to speculate in my comments. Go ahead; you know you want to try to match my superior intellect and sarcastic attitude.
Running endangers lives.
The only time you will catch me running is if something is chasing me.
Yeah, yeah. I have said both of those repeatedly in the past. However, I have a treadmill that is collecting dust sitting right in front of me, a fortieth birthday in six months and 13 days, and a love of wine and food. Yes, I am joining another cult of insanity. Everyone keeps telling me that running is a mental sport. Well, that’s just perfect because we all know that I am insane.
Holy Fuck-a-moly! I just stated that I am going to be a runner. The perfectionist in me says, “Now you have to do it, or you will be a failure.” The Psycho Hose Beast in me chimes in, “It’s cheaper than therapy.”
Now that I have the courage to start I need your help with naming my treadmill. You know that I name all of my electronics. I think the reason I haven’t been able to begin my running journey is I haven’t named the belted machine. Your vote may help to decide what my arch nemesis will be forever known as on I Read Banned Books.
What are you waiting for? Rock the Vote, People.
Who knows? Maybe I will become one of those freaks with an I Big Read Puffy Heart Running sticker on Ruby’s bumper.
