Running endangers lives.
The only time you will catch me running is if something is chasing me.
Yeah, yeah. I have said both of those repeatedly in the past. However, I have a treadmill that is collecting dust sitting right in front of me, a fortieth birthday in six months and 13 days, and a love of wine and food. Yes, I am joining another cult of insanity. Everyone keeps telling me that running is a mental sport. Well, that’s just perfect because we all know that I am insane.
Holy Fuck-a-moly! I just stated that I am going to be a runner. The perfectionist in me says, “Now you have to do it, or you will be a failure.” The Psycho Hose Beast in me chimes in, “It’s cheaper than therapy.”
Now that I have the courage to start I need your help with naming my treadmill. You know that I name all of my electronics. I think the reason I haven’t been able to begin my running journey is I haven’t named the belted machine. Your vote may help to decide what my arch nemesis will be forever known as on I Read Banned Books.
- C. O. L. B. E. R. T.
- Jillian
- Salmon
- T-Pain
- Dreadmill
- Jack
- MotiVader
- Miley
- Pre
- Jesse
- Wilma
- Gumption
- Other: ____________________
What are you waiting for? Rock the Vote, People.
Who knows? Maybe I will become one of those freaks with an I Big Read Puffy Heart Running sticker on Ruby’s bumper.
